Often we get to watch news updates on rapes, kidnapping, molestation etc. on television and other social media platforms but some heinous crimes remain dormant. These are the crimes that are committed and are covered in the warmth of silk that women wear during their marriages. Domestic violence has been staying in society for generations. It is just that the methods have changed but the impelled remains the same.
Domestic violence can take a number of forms including physical, emotional, verbal, economic and sexual abuse, which can range from subtle, coercive forms to marital rape and to violent physical abuse that results in disfigurement or death. There was a time and still exists in various parts of India where section 498a under IPC has been used to avoid economic abuses which indirectly led to physical abuse on women. There are many such cases wherein woman were immolated because of dowry. We call it “sthri dhan” but still in various semi urban and rural areas, women are physically abused for money. Again fantasies are something that everyone dreams to fulfil. It is not wrong to have eerie sexual fantasies but forcing the partner to abide by your fantasies often turns horrendous. There are many other crimes that occur in our society but they never come out because it is all about marriage.
When women were asked the reason of keeping quiet, everyone had the same reason, “mere maike me besthi ho jayegi” (I will not be accepted at my maternal place). Due to this domestic violence often remains quite and the women at the house accepts the violence and abuse as a part of their lives. They are left with post-traumatic stress disorders.
As its said earlier, it will be transferred as legacy through generations because according to Cultivation Theory, a theory given by Professor Gerbner from University of Pennsylvania, we cultures are often accepted with time and the domestic violence does not look any lesser than a television show. So, children see their mother gets beaten up and the male child of the house practices the same during his married life and the female child accepts the submissiveness of her mother as the truth.
The families should take more responsibility and be supportive with the girl because if the family leaves in her teetering married life, all she will be left with is pain and sorrow. As a guy I would just say one thing there is no need to accept violence and abuses. Today women are independent, literate and responsible. You do need support but love. To all the women reading this blog, make your parents realize and understand the situation. If they are not ready to accept your condition, approach some NGO. I could suggest one NGO by the name Maitri, which works for the welfare of women suffering from Domestic violence. Recently, I was just browsing through BBC when I got to know about them. Just connect with them in their Facebook page and unleash the myth “if you leave the house then it is disrespect to your parents.”
Again this is one such topic which is changing with time. There have been situations where even male suffer because of these kinds of violence. Situations have been witnessed regularly that females misuse their legal power and rights to make things difficult for decent male community staying in the society. So domestic violence is equally likely, but none believes them because of some known reasons. The cliched dialogue, "Galti ladke ki hi hogi" (It should be the guy who would have done something wrong). There have been many cases under the section 498(a) where in females use there legal rights to forge false cases against their husbands. In these situations too males keep quite because there are not much law that helps them fight for their rights in a legitimate way. Often it is seen these days that 498(a) is misused by unscrouples people in interest of property and maintenance.
So it is not about just one community suffering because of it. It is just that marriage is a relationship. Relationship is all about 4 vowels out of 5 in the 26 alphabets we use in English. The 5th vowel that is non existent in this word is "U". It does not exist because it is all about U who needs to take care of your relationship. Marriages is not about female providing the emotional support and male providing the protection, it is a friendship, an intimate relationship that needs to be nurtured with time.
Stop Domestic Violence,
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Twitter handle: @subramanian1190.