I am Learning

"I am learning to say thank you.

I am learning to say please

I am learning to use Kleenex,

Not my sweater, when I sneeze.

I am learning not to dribble.

I am learning not to burp.

I am learning to chew softer

When I eat corn on the cob.

I am learning that it's much

much easier to be a slob."

As the room broke into applause, Shiksha smiled shyly and took a quick bow before joining the rest of her classmates off the make-shift stage in Maitri's basement.  

For weeks, the children that visit our Tutorial Center have been coming extra hours to learn and rehearse for the "Little Star's of Maitri" show.  On Wednesday, they showed up in their cleanest clothes, best jewelry, kohl-lined eyes, and colorful streamers to show off all their hard work.  With Winnie Ma'am and the General watching from the seats of honor, and many parents and siblings present to watch, the show began. 

Mahima recited a poem about her shadow - in beautiful English, I might add!  Amit and Vikas sang adorable Hindi songs.  Nitesh, Sonali, and Aman performed "The Boogie Woogie," which we call "The Hokey Pokey" in the States.  The three musical dance numbers were executed with so much enthusiasm - there wasn't a still foot or an un-smiling face in the whole audience.

These children have grown so close to Kat's, Kaitie's, and my heart in the short month we've been at Maitri.  Each day when we walk down stairs to the classroom, they all stand and say precisely, "Good Afternoooon, Ma'am!" Then they sit and wait with expectant, eager eyes, ready to learn all we have to offer.  It was so fun to see their enthusiasm for school translate into their enthusiasm for art, music, and dance.  

We are SO proud of our "Little Stars" and feel so lucky to be part of the institution that helps them grow - Maitri.  

The Same Sky

Here at Maitri, we are in the beginning stages of our campaign to eradicate violence against women.  The campaign centers largely around a pledge to never participate in or allow violence against women to happen to any individual in your life, including yourself.  

Right now, we’re conducting research within the general public of India to best strategize our communicative approach.  We’ve spoken to several people, but one man’s words made my heartstrings pull especially tight.

He was sitting alone in the food court of one of Delhi’s largest malls, drinking a small cup of coffee and reading a book.  We asked for a few moments of his time, and he invited us to sit at his table.  As we introduced our cause, he nodded with understanding, telling us he’s an attorney who’s done much research on the lack of legal representation for women in India.  Even without knowledge of his career, it was clear to me from his intellectual enthusiasm and informed opinions that this man had been highly educated, and I concentrated on absorbing his insight.

He said violence against women is an urgent issue in today’s society, perhaps more so in India than anywhere else.  Fueled by a mindset of agressive male dominance, India has not been able to make the progress past such violence that other nations have achieved.  He attributed this lack of progress to a widespread inability to accept change.  According to him, the call for change will only be heard if it comes from religious or political leaders.  Political leaders, however, will advocate for nothing that does not fall within constituent popularity.  In India, constituents are driven most deeply by religion, thus their favor is granted on religious terms.  And religious leaders will never relinquish their patriarchal power.  He tried to explain to us the resulting mindset – tried to help us understand what we are up against.

“To many men here, women are objects only – not human beings,” he said.  ”One cannot feel sympathy for an object.”

If a girl is not human, what reasons exempt her from abuse?  An object cannot feel pain.  It is not destroyed by domestic violence, its body and emotions are not scarred by rape.  Its cries are empty and its suffering irrelevant.

But women are not objects, and their pain is not irrelevant. This man theorized that whatever haze of culture, religion, or tradition distorts the eyes of these men must be cleared.  Women must be recognized as members of a shared human race.  Yet many women are unaware even of their most basic human rights – the right to feel safe, the right to a life without abuse.  So they never speak up, because to speak up would be unfaithful.  The reality of such destructive beliefs makes my teeth clench together and my eyes burn, and to confront it makes my head spin.  I'm beginning to feel the passion for change that fills all the dedicated individuals who work within Maitri.  

Our friend in the food court did not soften his thoughts with any false optimism.  But he also expressed hope.  "If we are patient, and we continue to push, making women aware of their rights and helping men accept change, progress will come.  As progress always does."

-----------------------------

The first rains came last week.  The air was so heavy, I should have expected it.  But when the skies turned gray and the all-too-familiar pounding of falling raindrops surrounded the office, I quite literally jumped out of my chair and ran to the door.  Mintu, one of Maitri’s employees, and a volunteer were standing in the doorframe, looking on at the heaviest rain I’ve ever seen.  Within moments, the dirt road was a river of mud, the few installed gutters gushing water from their drain pipes.  I looked at Mintu, for some reason feeling like I needed permission to step out from cover.  He sort of laughed and stepped aside to let me through.

Hopping down the steps I stopped in the very middle of the street, where awnings couldn’t interrupt my claim to the sky’s falling gift.  My feet rooted in the mud, I turned my face up to the clouds, breathing in the smell of wet earth as deep as my lungs would allow.  I must have been giggling like a little kid because Mintu was laughing at me and the volunteer found me so odd she snapped a couple pictures.  Unlike the complaints that always accompany rain at home, the showers bring smiles to Indian faces.  All of a sudden the street filled with people, the kids screaming as they scooped up whole handfuls with which to splash one another.

For me, though, the rain brings more than mere relief from the heat; it brings home.  It brings familiarity, and it brings a reminder that we all live under the same sky, which delivers the same elements, no matter where on Earth’s face you might be standing.

One, One, One

A glass wall separates the area where the interns and several staff members work from the tiny room where Winnie ma’am consults and listens to the women. These women come in often to share their stories. Each story is different, but they all have one thing in common; They’ve made the courageous decision to leave an abusive relationship.

 Tuesday I spent hours researching violence against women for an upcoming workshop. Winnie ma’am saw 3 women that day. My throat tightened as I read a BBC article that revealed haunting stats on crime against women.. one crime against women every three minutes, one rape every 29 minutes, one dowry death case every 77 minutes, one case of cruelty by husband and relatives every nine minutes. 

The number of cases continues to rise and the government and authorities continue to push such cases to the back-burner. The husbands often bribe lawyers and court officials to deem the complaints illegitimate and quash the case leaving. Perhaps the most disturbing fact is that according to Unicef’s “Global Report Card on Adolescents 2012”  57% of adolescent boys and 53 % of adolescent girls believe domestic violence is justified.

As I continued my research, the articles containing testimonials of women who had experienced domestic abuse for years was never ending. Even women who come from wealthier families and have lawyers, doctors, and pastors as husbands have come forward. I had put off reading up on the infamous gang rape in Delhi that occurred just this past December. After I read the graphic and violent case description I couldn't read anymore. I felt completely sick that something so terrible existed outside of horror films and other forms of fiction. 

As the last woman left Winnie’s office, she tidied a stack of papers and let out a sigh. I smiled as I glanced at the plaque tilted against the glass that reads "well behaved women rarely make history". Her eyes were tired and wary behind her tortoise shell cat-eye glasses. This woman has shown me just how much one individual can do. I realized that organizations like Maitri are here to help solidify these women’s decision to leave. They let them know that despite what cultural factors have taught them to believe, they deserve a life without fear.

I continue to meet women who were victimized and are survivors of such relationships.  Removing themselves from these circumstances takes much more strength than I’d previously recognized. Making the decision to leave is the most tremendous first step, because for so long they have had their decisions made for them. Leaving is not only making the conscious decision to stand up for themselves despite of cultural norms, but they also have to make these decisions and navigate their lives feeling completely alone. This decision more often than not puts them at odds not only with their husband and in-laws but even their own parents and siblings. These women inspire me and are reminders of the strength within each individual.

As I sat in my chair brewing over everything I’d just researched I remembered my favorite quote.

 “I never look at the masses as my responsibility; I look at the individual. I can only love one person at a time- just one, one, one. So you begin. I began- I picked up one person. Maybe if I didn’t pick up that one person, I wouldn’t have picked up forty-two thousand…The sam thing goes for you, the same thing in your family, the same thing in your church, your community. Just begin- One, One, One”—Mother Teresa

 With such daunting statistics it’s hard for me not to become overwhelmed and feel “responsible for the masses”, and discouraged when I recognize that combatting the most difficult issues takes years and years of changing cultural mindsets. But I need to remember the power of the individual. I need to remember the women I've met who are survivors and look for the women like Winnie and other at Maitri who are creating tremendous change. In the end, each person helped is one more person whose life was changed for the better. One individual can produce just as astonishing statistics. “Just begin- One, One, One”.